Is My Obsession Spiritual or Trauma?

Dear Grace,

I’ve been struggling with this intense connection I have with someone, and it feels like I can’t stop thinking about them. I keep trying to understand if this is a spiritual connection, or if it’s just me reacting to old trauma. I know this might sound a bit out there, but it’s so consuming that I can’t even tell if my feelings are from a true spiritual bond or just a response to unresolved emotional wounds. How do I know if this obsession is spiritual or just trauma reactivation?

LaTanya, The DMV, USA

Dear LaTanya,

Thank you for your thoughtful and deeply vulnerable question. What you’re experiencing is something that many people, especially those on the Twin Flame path, struggle with at one point or another. The intensity of the emotions, the constant thoughts about this person — it can feel overwhelming and confusing, particularly when you’re trying to distinguish between genuine spiritual connection and old, unresolved trauma resurfacing.

First, let me assure you that it is entirely natural for your mind and heart to want clarity when you’re in the midst of an intense connection. The energetic pull of a Twin Flame is unlike anything else. However, it’s also crucial to recognize that the intensity you’re feeling can sometimes be tied to deeply rooted emotional wounds — wounds that may have existed before you even met this person.

When you’re asking whether this obsession is spiritual or trauma-induced, what you’re really grappling with is the challenge of differentiating between your soul’s connection to this person and the emotional triggers coming from past experiences. Here’s how to tell the difference:

1. Spiritual Connection: A true Twin Flame connection tends to feel expansive and transformative, even when it’s difficult. You may feel drawn to this person in a way that makes you grow, evolve, and face your shadows — even if the process is painful. The connection itself serves to awaken something deeper within you, often catalyzing shifts in your own consciousness and personal growth. Even though the pain can be intense, there’s an undercurrent of hope and clarity, a sense of knowing that this connection is part of your soul’s higher purpose.
2. Trauma Reactivation: Trauma reactivation, on the other hand, can feel cyclical, almost like a never-ending loop of emotional highs and lows. You may feel out of control and fixate on them as a way of distracting yourself from unresolved pain. These feelings often stem from unmet needs or past wounds — and they tend to reinforce old patterns. You might feel drawn to them because you subconsciously seek healing or validation from this person, rather than feeling empowered in your own sense of self-worth.

Key Insight: If you find yourself trapped in an emotional loop of confusion, self-doubt, and instability, it’s likely trauma being activated. Spiritual connections, while intense, tend to move you toward clarity and provide a deep sense of internal knowing that this person is here to help you grow, not keep you stuck.

What’s important now, LaTanya, is that you begin self-reflecting and tuning into your own inner guidance. Take time to examine your emotional triggers and how they relate to your past experiences. Are you projecting old wounds onto this person? Or are you seeing them clearly as they are, recognizing that this is a soul connection meant to help you evolve?

Healing trauma doesn’t mean the connection has to go away; rather, it’s about empowering yourself to step back from the obsession and take ownership of your own healing. By doing this, you’ll be able to differentiate between the two and gain clarity about whether this connection is truly a soul-based bond or if it’s being fueled by unhealed wounds.

In the meantime, be gentle with yourself. Your feelings are valid, but the clarity you seek can only be found when you create space for yourself to heal independently, without depending on someone else’s energy to define you.

Remember, your spiritual growth is a journey that’s unique to you. Trust yourself, and give yourself the grace to step out of this emotional loop when you need to.

With love and support,

Grace